


Can't sleep

by angrywindex



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Just fluff!~, M/M, NSFW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-27
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2018-01-02 19:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1060814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrywindex/pseuds/angrywindex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren deals with anxiety, Levi comforts him.</p><p>Spoiler warning! Takes place in the manga right after chapter 51!</p><p>Note: I'm not a professional, so take it easy on me!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Can't sleep

It had been a few days since Levi had arrived with Connie. Things were explained, things were taught. While being around friends, having them watched over. Eren felt a little at ease, although it happened to bring back memories which brought him anxiety. He always dealt with it alone, or coped by cleaning. He wasn’t sure if the others noticed, maybe Armin did. He was always really smart.  
Eren was alone that night, out of bed while the others slept. His chest hurt and he constantly worried about everyone. The only person who knew of his closeness to Levi’s previous squad, was Levi himself. But he didn’t want to bother him with his problems. Levi had enough as it is. Not like he already said something about it before.

Dressed in his usual shirt, white pants, and socks. He polished the floor with a wet rag along with a bucket beside him. He could hardly even see the floor and the surrounding area. He suddenly stopped. His chest began to hurt once more and he was beginning to have yet another anxiety attack. He was thinking about Levi now. Not his friends.

'What if I can't save him after he's saved me countless times?!' he shouted in his head. 'I know I can't do things by myself, I'll just end up getting everyone killed and possibly myself, I'm reckless.' Suddenly, a candle light appeared in the corner of his eye. Turning, he kept the hand glued to his chest.

His captain was standing there, the usual expression on his face. Not angry, nor frustrated. He was wearing his white long sleeved shirt, black pants and black house slippers. Most likely to keep his feet from getting cold. He was carrying a candle in his hand. “Why are you cleaning at this hour?” He asked, his voice calm like always.

"I can’t sleep." Eren simply answered. Trying to avoid the pain in his chest.

He didn’t hear a reply after that, maybe he was thinking. He continued to clean the floor while under pain and struggling mindset.  
"Anxiety..?" Levi spoke, when Eren looked up, Levi was beside him. Looking down at him. He knelled down then placed a hand on his shoulder. Something he has never done before. The touch gentle and warm. Which made Eren’s eyes widen just a little then stared at him. But remained still, waiting for something to happen.

"You can talk to me about it, what’s keeping you up?" He asked.

Moments past on before Eren could speak, trying to gather his thoughts. Someone was asking him to talk about it, and that person was someone he respected so much. He finally began to open his mouth to speak  
"I’m worried I can’t protect everyone, just like the rest. All I’ve done was murder people along the way. What if I can’t save you when you saved me countless of times? What if everyone dies and I’m all alone? I know now I can’t do these things on my own. I know I’ve done good things but I just..—" A pause, his chest was hurting more now, more so then ever now. It was hard to breath. His hands fell to the ground to keep himself up.

"Breath Eren." He whispered. Keeping the hand that was on him. "You won’t lose everyone, your friends are strong, I’m strong. You are strong. Were all here to protect you as you to us. Were going to train hard and you’ll improve mentally and psychically. Don’t let anxiety bring you down, you can do great things. Even if lives are lost, you shouldn’t loose hope, make them proud. You’ll see them again in the future when everything is done."

Levi continued to speak even after that, pointing out good things he’d done, things they can do in training to help. Eventually, Eren’s chest didn’t hurt so much anymore. He was breathing normally and he wasn’t in a panic state. He was sitting up and he didn’t realize it, but Levi was rubbing his back, another thing he’s never done. But it just felt so soothing and brought him peace of mind. “I think I’m alright now.”  
"That’s good.." Levi spoke, hand stopping but remained on him. "Eren.." He paused.

Eren looked up to him, looking to his eyes. The candle showing little light so they could see each other. Levi looked different now, like his expression was more relaxed. “You’re special Eren. Not only to humanity, but to me too. In ways that wouldn’t have crossed your mind, unless you already do. It’s okay if you don’t understand, but if you do, then I’d like to try something.” He spoke.  
It took awhile for Eren to think on it. 

What did he mean? Wait..—

 

He got it. 

But it did seem a little out of nowhere, then again. The life they had was threatened, why wait?

"Are you sure..? I wouldn't know how things work." Eren began, knowing Levi, his very own captain was talking about relationships. Or at least that’s what he wanted to believe.

"I’ll show you the way." The hand that was placed against his back had moved to his head, gently brushing fingers against dark brown strands. Eren felt some type of fuzz in his head. It wasn't bothersome, it felt good to him. He had been so focused on titan killing, he had no idea of the things he was missing through this.

"Were talking about bonding a relationship right?" He asked, making sure. He felt a little dumb with this.  
"Of course." He replied. "But nobody can know.. It would create major conflict. And threaten your life. You know how shitty people can be."  
Eren thought for awhile as Levi’s hand rested behind his neck. “I’ll do it then.” He spoke, a smile forming on his lips.

Something must have happened, because Levi looked as if he was smiling. Not those crazy goofy looking smiles, but one that seemed to display peace of mind.

That was the start of them, they would protect each other more then ever now. That night, Eren slept at ease for once. Eager to start the new day and train as hard as he could. His respect never left for Levi, he was special in his eyes as Eren was to him.


	2. First kiss

Ever since that day happened, he experienced less anxiety attacks. He handled the small ones on his own while the big ones he left Levi to help him. Since he couldn’t take anything for it, he had to deal with it the best he could. Time had past on and they were all still held up in the cabin for what seemed like weeks.  
It was getting colder lately. They kept the wooden windows shut and lit candles all around the cabin, and used extra blankets as well. The others complained about the cold sometimes, but that was to be expected. You can’t do much about the cold. Every night they would light a fire outside, cook their food and hang out. Eren seemed to linger around Levi a lot lately. 

Mikasa had took note of this, she had grew suspicious. This caused Levi and Eren to have a little talk, to lay low for awhile. Eren couldn’t complain, he was being clingy, which was unhealthy for him anyways. 

One night it had gotten so cold, Eren couldn’t even lay in his bed. The sheets felt like ice and it drove him nuts. But then a thought arose. Would Levi allow him to sleep with him? Maybe it wasn’t a good idea, but he found himself walking out of his bedroom that had Mikasa and Armin sleeping in separate beds. Eren took the time to put on his socks and brought a candle with him. Walking down the hallway till he had reached his destination. 

Levi’s door was closed. He paused, eyes looking about, hoping nobody would see him doing such a thing. Jean would probably pester him to no end about it. Jean already made fun of him once for hanging around Levi so much. 

After standing there for about five minutes or so, He blew out the candle then opened the door and slowly walked in. Closing the door as quietly as he could. The room was dimmed in black and blue with a slight shade of white coming from the cracked open window. Levi’s bed had moonlight shine on it. And in that bed, Levi was there sleeping.

Eren found himself walking slowly to look at him a little more. Now he was at his bedside. Setting the candle on the bedside. And by the sight he saw, he found himself smiling warmly. Levi was covered in a ton of blankets and happened to have his arms wrapped around his legs. You could tell by the blanket curves. A troubled look on his sleeping face that told he was cold. Maybe Levi wouldn’t mind..? They were dating after all. The most they did was hug. Would cuddling be too much? Eren had an encouraging thought that it wouldn’t be. 

But he found himself stalling to wake him up to ask. Instead, he reached a hand and gently placed it on Levi’s head, running his fingers along the long strands of hair. It was smooth, and not in bad shape, unlike Erens hair. It was always a rough mess. Levi stirred slightly and Eren yanked his hand away. As if hiding the fact he just touched something he shouldn’t be touching. 

"Levi…?" He whispered, trying to be quite and not wake everyone. Even if they were in the room alone. Levi stirred once more, a low sound that spoke he wasn’t in the mood to wake up. His eyes opened and he turned, but didn’t sit up. "What are you doing here?" Levi asked, his brows furrowing. Eren knew Levi was warning him about his previous warning from before. Hiding their relationship was priority. 

"I can’t sleep, it’s just so damn cold." He spoke, leaving out the whole wanting to sleep in his bed part. Levi seemed to sigh. "I can’t control the weather, try using more blankets or something." He spoke.

Eren frowned a bit, he was hoping Levi would say to get in the bed right now but that was foolish hopeful thinking. “There isn’t any left. Jean took the rest of them.” He replied, irritation in his voice.  
"Try running in place till you get hot then lay in bed." Levi responded. Eren wanted to stomp his foot or something, clearly Levi wasn’t going to mention sleeping with him, so he’d just ask then. "Damn it Levi, can I just sleep in your bed with you? I’m cold, your cold." He spoke finally. Getting to the point. Eren could hear a ‘Tch’ noise coming from him.

"You do know you’d be endangering our relationship doing that right?" Levi brought up, but he didn’t reject the offer which meant he might be able to. He thought for a moment. "I’ll leave early in the morning before everyone gets up.." Eren brought himself to say, even though that would be a hard task considering it was so damn cold. "Fine then, hurry up and get in." 

With that, Eren pulled back the sheets and got in the bed beside him. Due to the small size of the bed, they were right next to each other, shoulders touching. He found himself getting warm fast. By just the thought of them being so close like this. It was silent and neither of them moved nor said anything. It was obvious Levi didn’t bother trying to go back to sleep. They just laid there, staring at the ceiling for who knows how long.

Eren was about to say something but he felt Levi move under the blankets, rolling on his side facing him. A hand placing itself on his chest. Head placing itself on his shoulder. Eren felt heat in his face, probably because he wasn’t breathing probably when Levi moved. He was just nervous, felt like he was gonna screw something up. “Jeez, I probably can’t sleep if you can’t settle your loud ass heart beat.” He blurted. Eren found himself smiling, although it was true, his heart rate was high due to certain things. He found himself turning on his side to face Levi. “Can I try something?” Eren asked, looking into those grey blue eyes of his. “Go ahead.” was his reply. Levi’s hand was now wrapped around Eren’s waist, just resting there in complete relaxation. 

Eren wondered how on earth Levi could be so calm during this, maybe he was nervous too? He never did say anything but sometimes, he could see a glimmer of shyness in him. Maybe that was just Eren thinking hopeful things again. He took a hand and placed it against Levi’s cheek then brushed it against his skin as gently as he could. Soon going up into his hair. He drew in, lips parting. Even if it was dark, he thought he saw Levi parting his lips as well. And like that, they connected their lips. 

The kiss was gentle, and Eren began moving his lips against his with a soft friction, giving him several kisses. Levi kissed him back and it felt so good to him. That fuzz came back and everything seemed so right, it felt heavenly. It was slow, dragged out and he made sure it lasted more then a minute. The arm that was around Eren’s waist was still there, yet a hand was clenching tight against the shirt on his back. That was a sign. Levi was nervous about screwing up. That had to be it. Eren opened his eyes to see Levi’s was closed, his expression relaxed the most he’s ever seen. Levi was happy. And that thought made him happy too.

The kiss had ended a few moments after. “Are you happy Levi..?” He asked in a whisper. A few seconds past, Eren grew nervous. “Why would I not be?” He replied. “Of course I am..”

-  
After talking a little more, the two ended up sleeping together. And like Eren said, he left early that morning. Nobody hadn’t found out about Eren’s little visit in the captains bedroom.


	3. First showing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry if something seems rushed… I wrote this last night as well as edited it. Then edited and added more this morning so maybe this should be better then my previous chapters. Really hope people enjoy this, it’s nsfw but no smut. At least not now.
> 
> Chapter summery; they shower together.

A few days had past since the event that occurred in the bedroom. Having enjoyed sleeping in the same bed as him, it was also a dangerous move. He had to remember, one mistake and they could get caught and they’d suffer the consequences. Levi ended up making a run to get more blankets. While he was happy about this, happy that Levi was slightly pampering him, he was also sad. Sad this meant he couldn’t sleep with Levi much.

Ever since he felt how warm and soothing it was to cuddle against him, he just craved it more, it was an obsession. He wouldn’t stop thinking about it when going to bed.

It was now at it’s coldest these days. The squad didn’t bother with outside fires, they used the fireplace for the time being. Nobody had problems with that. Tonight they had stew and bread. Conversation was made between him and his friends meanwhile Levi seemed to finish his meal first then left.

Eren wanted to leave right then and there but that would just rise suspicion. All this hiding sucked, he hated it so much but honestly… Hiding the relationship they had was worth it. Every little moment alone counted so much.

Time past on and Eren cleaned up his bowl and left. He was going to retire for the night but he purposely moved on his own past his bedroom door. He wanted to see Levi again, maybe even touch him more then before..? He wanted to be close and the craving was affecting his mood with his friends.

He was standing before Levi’s door, it was shut. Which meant he probably didn’t want to be disturbed. But he didn’t seem to give a shit right now. He raised his hand then knocked on the wooden door. “Levi? It’s me.” He spoke, waiting for a response. While it was common for Eren to call Levi ‘captain’ he didn’t when it was just them alone. Thankfully he seemed to not have a problem with it.

A sigh could be heard from the other side, but no words came out. Eren took this as a sign Levi didn’t want him coming in but didn’t seem to deny the welcome in. The door opened before Eren could even turn the door knob. Before him, Levi had a towel over his shoulder, still dressed. “I’m about to take a shower, what do you need?” He asked.

His speech struck an idea fast and being reckless, he acted before thinking. “Can I join..?” After the words came out, he realized what he just asked. Feeling pretty embarrassed but when he was about to speak again, Levi spoke first. “No.” 

Eren felt angry at first. “Why the hell not?” He shouted, only he kept it as a whisper. Levi furrowed his brows slightly, looking about making sure nobody else was around. Honestly, Eren felt pretty nervous when he made that face. “What do you think will happen when someone needs your attention and your not around, where do you think they will look..?” He began.

Eren went silent for a few moments.  
"Maybe they won’t look?" Eren quickly said.

"Not tonight.."  
"Please, just this once."

"No Eren, it’s too risky."

"I don’t care."

"Your being an idiot right now, think of what your saying." 

It was true, saying he didn’t care was stupid but damn he was desperate. 

"I’m closing the door, go to bed Eren. Also, try to improve your reckless thinking" He snapped. Levi seemed a bit angry which caused Eren to tense. But his last words struck a cord in him. His mood changed from anger to sadness.

He was depressed and that lead him into other places. Not anything new, he was sick of it. Everything that’s happened in his life was garbage and not being able to do shit about it right away drove him crazy. He kept making so many mistakes and it ate him up. Suddenly, his chest ached again. Really hard this time. Memories flashing through his head and when he came to his senses again. He was on his knees on the ground in Levi’s room. Levi was in front of him holding onto his shoulders. Telling him how to breathe and calm down.

"Shit, I’m sorry." Eren spoke. "I overreacted.."

"No, you had an anxiety attack again. Don’t apologize for things you cant’t control. We all go through anxiety. These are really bad times. Nobody has the right to blame you." He explained.

He and Levi ended up talking a bit, venting about past events and feelings. After having a vent talk, he felt better now.

"Let’s take that shower before I change my mind." Levi brought himself to say.

Eren looked up with light in his eyes, a smile appearing on his face. He didn’t bother asking him if he was serious, he got up and went with him to his bathroom. Levi closed the door, locking it as he headed over to the shower lever and turned it on. Stepping back away from the water.

There was a delay, neither of them getting undressed. Levi seemed to have lost patience and went ahead and took his shirt off. When the shirt was off and laying neatly folded on the counter. Eren caught himself staring, he’d never seen him without his shirt off completely. He could see battle scars on his skin and red marks from the 3DMG. ( something Eren couldn’t get, everything he got would heal. ) And even how toned out he was. But that 8-pack was amazing and he found himself admiring it a lot. It was like he was idolizing him like he did the day he first saw him in person when they were riding horses down the crowd. Eren really wished he could be as strong as him, and even look as good as him. Who knew he’d be this close to him. It never crossed his mind. 

"Stop staring, you look stupid like that." Levi’s voice took him back to reality. "Hurry up and get undressed, what, are you afraid to get naked before me? Are you afraid I’m going to judge your dick size?" He added. Eren was more embarrassed, that might as well been his thoughts for sure, it would surely be one of the worst feelings in the world to be judged by someone you admired and liked, like really liked. "I’m not going to judge you."  
Eren undressed himself before Levi could finish taking the rest off. Levi piled his clothes neatly while Eren was sloppy with his own. Too much on his mind, specially the fact Levi was beside him completely naked and he couldn’t help but look down. Eyeing Levi’s dick size. Of course he was going to look, he was a teenager after all. He was curious and he found himself admiring his dick. “Tch..” Levi brought him back to reality once more. “Nice dick.” Was all he said.

Eren felt his face heat up, obviously happy with that comment. He watched as he got in the shower, body drenched in water. “Your being creepy.” Eren knew that comment was directed at him standing there watching him. He frowned, yeah maybe he was being creepy. Now finding his way behind him, getting under the running water. It was cold, shivering a bit but after awhile, he got used to it. He started to clean himself up while Levi did the same. More thoroughly them him. Eren always wondered why Levi liked being so clean. He didn’t bother asking, he had a feeling Levi wouldn’t answer. Besides, who doesn’t want to be clean?  
When Levi was about to turn the shower lever off, Eren grabbed his hand away. Stopping him from doing so, he wanted to do something. Levi turned so fast Eren jumped in place, eyes wide open. “What the hell Eren? Do you want to waste valuable resources?” With no answer, he turned back around and turned the water off. And if Eren didn’t speak soon about what he wanted. Levi would be getting out. “I want to touch you a little..” He blurted. “Nothing more..” 

He felt Levi stare at him, he wasn’t looking so he didn’t know what kind of face he was making. His eyes were were too focused on the tile floor. He even grew nervous with the silence filling the air around them. 

"Does that mean you want me to do the same?" He asked.

Eren looked up and Levi was closer then before. And to make the situation more, he could feel Levi’s dick brushing against his own and it felt really good but he really didn’t want to get aroused right now. He just wanted to feel his body, nothing more.. At least for now. He liked him and he wasn’t even sure if he was in love with him. He didn’t even know what it was like to be in love. He knew for sure Levi made him happy and he enjoyed his presence. Back in training days when he was 12, he did seem to spark something but it died off before it could even start.

Eren nodded as a yes, not wanting to speak. And Levi was the first to touch him. His hands placed themselves on his waist, his hands were warm yet also gentle. They moved inward to his stomach, feeling his muscles and to his chest. Eren felt heat rise in his checks, this felt good. But he couldn’t allow himself to be lost in a daze. He put his hands on Levi’s shoulders then felt the broadness to them, going to his neck then to his collar bone. Levi’s hands went behind Eren’s back and massaged his entire back while Eren felt Levi’s torso muscles. He really enjoyed touching them too, they felt amazing and he could hear relaxed breaths coming from him. As well as himself. It felt so good to be touched, he felt so much fuzz enter his mind, what was that feeling anyway?

He and Levi ended up touching each other for a long while. Touching of the face, hair and body. But taking a step further, Eren leaned in and placed gentle kisses to his neck while Levi’s hand found it’s way into Eren’s hair, foundling the strands gently here and there. Levi was beautiful to him and hearing him release relaxed breaths like that made him feel confident. “You’re so beautiful..” Eren breathed. Levi chuckled softly, which shocked Eren. But he didn’t want to ruin the moment, good god Levi sounded wonderful when he chuckled. “You too.” Levi spoke. Eren found himself smiling big at that. His compliment gave him more self confidence. He stopped kissing his neck and went to his face, gently kissing his cheek, trailing to his lips, then kissing him. Levi looked so relaxed when he looked at him in the eyes.

Kissing him was one of his favorite things to do to him, along with playing with his hair. Which he did right now. He knew he’d find more to enjoy as time passes. But the squad being so close by made it difficult and this cabin wasn’t large so they couldn’t sneak off so easily. They couldn’t even cuddle at all, it was agonizing, at least it was for Eren.

When the kiss ended, Eren pulled him close. Levi’s head resting on his shoulder. Levi wrapped his arms around his waist, hanging loosely. “Do you think we can take a trip somewhere private for at least two hours..?” He asked. “I’m sick of holding back things I want to try.”

It was silent for awhile, he must be thinking and he waited patiently. 

"I’ll think about it…" Was his first reply. "You sure do like to try a lot of things."

"I’m just curious." Eren replied.

"Being curious can get you in trouble. Better be careful."

Time past on and suddenly Levi backed away. Eren was a little disappointed, that was until he saw Levi staring his dick down. oh shit.. His facial expression said it all. He looked down then back up and was in horror. He got a damn boner anyway. He moved fast to cover himself and Levi just walked away. “I’m gonna get dressed, just turn the water on for awhile and it might go down..” He spoke. Before Eren could get another word out, Levi was gone.

"Shit."

—————————————————  
I really hope I've improved. I feel like I’m missing things.. But anyway, nice feedback is something I’d really like. No negative feedback please! Possible smut chapter in the future if I’m confident enough writing that for the fandom..

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that was at least a little enjoyable…!
> 
> I know it's not the best but I'm working on it! Good feedback would be nice!


End file.
